growing up internationally made me odd
Talk about split identity!
And We Continued is a space to dream, grow, and become. I know how daunting it can be to live a life that truly aligns with who you are. This newsletter was born from that journey. If you ever crave calm, clarity, or a gentle nudge forward, you're in the right place.
In these exclusive posts, I share thoughtful reflections, topic-specific action steps, and journal prompts to help you take real steps forward.
Photo by Porapak Apichodilok
I was eleven when my Legoland dreams got wrecked.
My father had been overseas in the Middle East for some months because of his job and was ready for us to join him on the day I had won a trip to Legoland. I was so angry. I didn’t want to go. My friends were telling me that I was going to live in a tent and have no TV. What made matters worse is that my dad FaceTimed me when there was a sandstorm. After that call, I was certain I was headed somewhere so far out, and I just wanted to ride a good rollercoaster.
When I got there, there were roads, malls, buildings, cities, beaches, and yes, we had TV.
I was satisfied, but I was still in a whole new world. I didn’t speak the language. I didn’t know the culture very well. I still had a strong memory and connection to the States, but I ended up living half my life in Saudi Arabia.
The weird thing about it is this: when I am in the States, I refer to overseas as home. When I am overseas, I think of the States as home. There is a point where you don’t feel like home is anywhere. I would look for American things in Saudi and Saudi things in America.
I didn’t realize it affected me that much until now.
I think as humans, we are drawn to have roots. We want to feel like we belong somewhere specific. We want to fit in and be with others. It’s in our nature.
When you have international experiences, you find yourself not fitting in anywhere. You learn so many lessons and have so many different experiences that you can’t help but find yourself different from peers who don’t have the same.
When I was trying to go to an American university, I realized I was trying to fill that gap and establish those roots. It wasn’t just about going and getting an education. It was about getting that strong sense of identity that was fading away.
However, I did spend one year in America, and I felt so out of place! I felt like another woman who had an international experience. She was Korean Mexican. She grew up in Mexico, but felt out of place there. She would try to fit in and did so in a way. Then, she went to Korea and tried her best to be “Korean”. She felt like no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't just be Korean or just be Mexican.
This is how it feels, and there is a point where you have to accept that you are of a third identity. You are a global citizen. You aren’t just of one place, you are of many places. You don’t have one home, you have many homes.
People like this think, “I don’t have a community”, but you do! So many people have an international background, hang out with them, and get to know them! I felt more seen and heard by the person I mentioned above, even though I never went to Korea or Mexico.
You are now part of a global community, and your home is the entire world. Your home is within yourself and the people you love. Your home is where, and how, you feel peace.
Trust me, it can feel like a lot! You aren’t alone. You can cry about it. I know I do, but you will find similar people. We are all being aligned with where we want to be. Plus, it is a superpower to have so much perspective and experience.
Let’s learn how to make this an edge! If you have already made it an edge, drop some advice for this sister, please! Lol.
Thank you for reading, love!
Sincerely,
Your Author Bayinnah
Check-In Chat
For this check-in, I would ask what your experience has been growing up in one place or multiple places. What is a pro you’ve felt, and what’s a con you’ve felt?
I am going to answer this question in the community chat myself. The only people who can access community chat are other paid members, so it is more intimate and filled with like-minded, supportive people.
If you want to share it in the chat community, great! If you don’t, also great! It is up to you, and there is no pressure at all.
Journal Prompts
Here are some topic-specific journal prompts that include everyone!
Where do I feel most at home, and what gives me that feeling?
How has my background or past shaped the way I see myself today?
What parts of my identity do I feel proud of, but sometimes struggle to express?
What anchors me when I feel out of place? Who or what reminds me of who I am?
What parts of my experience (local or global) give me a unique edge or advantage?
Who are the people (near or far) who truly get me, and how can I connect more with them?
If I imagined my life as a tapestry woven from all my experiences, what colors and patterns would stand out the most?
🎯 Action Steps
💞 Reach out to someone
Whether local or global, reach out to someone who shares a similar background or experience, even if just to chat or share stories.
🦸♀️ Make a list of your “superpowers.”
Write down 3–5 ways your unique background or perspective has helped you grow, solve problems, or connect with others.
Did you try any of these? How did it go?
It was a pleasure speaking to you on a deeper level. I plan to continue to!
Sincerely, Sincerely,
Your Author Bayinnah